"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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