I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
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Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
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I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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