if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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