tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
being pregnant is like rehab
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize