We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
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After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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