my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
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you had me at cake vodka
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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