so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
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Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
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Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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