apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize