I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
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Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
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ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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