I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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