she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
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I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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