if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
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she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
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I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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