I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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