he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize