I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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