i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My ass is underappreciated
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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