Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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