I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
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You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
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I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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