She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize