is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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