I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize