Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
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You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
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I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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