so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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