I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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