I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
home. puking in laundry basket.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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