If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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