I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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