What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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