Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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