take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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