my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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