I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my vag is so smooth its legendary
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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