woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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