my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize