$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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