I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize