Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize