Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
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I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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