We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize