party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize