I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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