There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Randomize