having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
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The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
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you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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