Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
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I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
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He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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