just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
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figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
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Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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