Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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