I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize