I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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