Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm too high and old for this...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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