I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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