oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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